A Psychologist's Tips for Staying Free of the Drama Cycle This Fall
Fall is exciting. It's bustling with newness and a sense of "getting back," whether or not you've been able to take time off over the summer. The season can also usher in a lot—a lot of opinions, expectations, and even drama. And considering the autumn ahead, with a nearing election and significant change, the drama of headlines, stories, and conversations is looming.
We've been wondering: How do we stay free of the drama cycle? And why do we tend to attach ourselves to drama in the first place? To answer these questions, we turned to a top expert in the field, holistic psychologist Scott Lyons, Ph.D.
In his career and life, Lyons has developed a deep knowledge of how an attachment to volatility can keep us from experiencing our feelings. (He wrote an entire book called Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others.) He's motivated to help people mentally, physically, and emotionally restore themselves and find balance in a world that can be chaotic. As Lyons tells The Sunday Paper, addressing the underlying needs and unresolved issues that drive a propensity for drama can help people "work towards healthier, more fulfilling ways of engaging with their emotions and relationships."
A CONVERSATION WITH SCOTT LYONS, PHD
Why are we attracted to drama even when it may bring us heartbreak and stress?
People will unintentionally choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. Especially when ease, peace, calm, and even love all trigger a greater sense of stress and threat than safety. You might wonder, how can that be? Well, if someone you know has ever experienced trauma, there is a part of your nervous system tracking and looking for the next potential threat or pain. Settling or relaxing will often activate a reflex to rev up and be more vigilant. In other words, being too calm can feel unsafe because it would leave you unprepared for the next potential threat.
Recognizing certain patterns is crucial for breaking free from the cycle of seeking out drama. These patterns are:
Emotional habituation. People can become habituated to high levels of emotional intensity. For those accustomed to drama, the emotional highs and lows can become a familiar pattern that feels more engaging than a stable, predictable life. The unpredictability of drama can provide a sense of excitement and vitality that some find compelling.
Unresolved issues. People might be drawn to drama because it mirrors unresolved issues or emotional conflicts from their past. Engaging in dramatic situations can unconsciously serve to replay or reprocess these unresolved experiences, even if it means enduring pain and stress.
A need for validation. Drama often involves heightened emotional responses and conflict, which can provide opportunities for seeking validation. The intense interactions can make individuals feel more noticed or significant, which can be especially appealing to those struggling with self-worth or needing external affirmation.
Escape from boredom: For some, the routine and monotony of daily life might feel dull or unsatisfying. The drama and stress can provide a form of escape from this boredom, offering a more dynamic and engaging experience, even if it is negative.
Pain relief. In heightened states of stress, the body releases endorphins (our natural pain relievers). In the same way that people feel that high after running, we feel a rush of energy and pain relief in a state of stress or drama, and we can become dependent on it.
We're entering the fall, and with it this year comes a lot of drama in the form of a hefty election and divisive rhetoric. For the sake of our well-being, what should we be aware of?
It's crucial to stay vigilant about how these dynamics can impact us. Be mindful of how certain political issues or headlines trigger intense emotional responses in you, as these reactions can cloud your judgment and pull you into unnecessary drama. In fact, the language used consciously intends to evoke more stress from you, which is the most powerful tool to activate your amygdala and claim your attention. It's essential to set boundaries around your media consumption to avoid becoming overwhelmed by the constant barrage of sensationalist content. Engage in mindful practices to maintain emotional balance and prevent stress from escalating. Focus on constructive conversations and activities that foster understanding rather than deepening divisions. Additionally, ensure you take care of your well-being through self-care and reflection. Staying aware of these factors and thoughtfully managing your engagement with political drama will help you navigate this season more effectively and maintain stability amidst the chaos.
What are your strategies to ensure we don't become sucked in, even reliant, on the tough headlines and political drama?
Here are some strategies to consider:
- Recognize and understand your triggers. During a politically charged season, identify which issues or headlines provoke strong reactions in you. Understanding these triggers can help you anticipate and manage your emotional responses more effectively.
- Set boundaries for media consumption. Set limits on your exposure to news and social media. By consciously deciding when and how much you engage with political content, you can prevent yourself from becoming overwhelmed and falling into the cycle of drama. Consider scheduling specific times for news consumption and sticking to trusted, balanced sources.
- Cultivate mindfulness and emotional awareness: Developing mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded and aware of your emotional state. Mindfulness techniques like meditation or deep breathing can help you maintain a balanced perspective and reduce stress.
- Focus on constructive engagement: Instead of getting caught up in sensationalist or divisive rhetoric, aim to engage in conversations and activities that are constructive and positive. Seek out dialogue that fosters understanding and collaboration rather than conflict.
- Engage in self-care: Ensure you are taking time for activities that nourish and relax you, whether spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies, or practicing relaxation techniques.
- Reflect on your values and priorities: Consider what truly matters to you and align your actions with your core values. Focusing on your priorities and goals helps you avoid being swayed by the drama and maintain a sense of purpose and direction.
What if we're unsure if we have an unhealthy relationship to drama? How can we check in with ourselves to see if we're leaning into drama in a detrimental way?
Start by paying close attention to your emotional responses. Ask yourself, Is this the attention, energy, and amount of emotion needed to best adapt in this moment? Notice if you experience extreme emotional highs and lows or if your reactions seem out of proportion to the situation at hand—these can be signs of a problematic attachment to drama. Reflect on how engaging with dramatic situations affects your overall energy and well-being; if you consistently feel drained or overwhelmed, it may be time to consider the impact on your health. Examine your relationships to see if they are frequently marked by conflict and tension, which could indicate that drama is a recurring theme.
Additionally, consider whether you seek validation through dramatic events or conflicts and if this need drives you to create or amplify drama. Evaluate your coping strategies—if you find that you rely on drama to escape from everyday challenges, this could be a red flag. Seeking feedback from trusted friends or family members can also provide valuable insights into how your behavior affects others.
Finally, reflect on whether your involvement in drama hinders your personal growth and well-being, preventing you from making positive changes in your life. By assessing these aspects, you can better understand whether your relationship with drama is unhealthy and take steps to address it.
Scott Lyons is a licensed holistic psychologist, educator, author of Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others, and the host of The Gently Used Human Podcast. As a renowned body-based trauma expert, Doctor of Osteopathy (Spain), and a PhD in Clinical Psychology and Mind-Body Medicine, Scott helps people break free from cycles of pain, limited beliefs, and trauma. Learn more at drscottlyons.com.
