How to Have a Midlife Awakening: Alisha Fernandez Miranda's Practical Guide to Making Your What Ifs Happen This Summer

They called me in the middle of the night, waking me from some fantastic dream where I’m married to a Hemsworth or on a game show about to win a million dollars.

Psst, wake up. We have a question: What If?

When I was still and quiet, the what ifs beckoned. What if I left my job and tried something I’d always dreamed but never done, like work on Broadway or in the art world? What if I left—for a short period, but enough time that someone besides me would actually have to learn how to do the laundry—to become an intern? What if I changed everything?

In the silence of the night, the what-ifs were windows into a different future, a different life—a different me.

I tried as hard as I could to ignore them. I was the CEO of my own company, a married mother of twins pushing 40 who had always done exactly what was expected of me. Chasing down my what-ifs with no guarantee of success seemed as impossible as, well, marrying a Hemsworth.

But then I did something crazy. I brought my what-ifs into the light of the day, and I did something about them. I left my job and took a series of internships, on Broadway, in an art gallery, for a fitness brand, and at a hotel. And I wrote a book about it, a journey that has taken me to bookstores, TV screens, and magazine pages across America.

Every day, I find more reasons to be grateful to my past self for answering the call of the mid-night what ifs. Making any sort of major personal or professional change can seem daunting, even impossible.

But here’s the thing: It’s not.

Maybe being an intern isn’t your fantasy. Maybe you’ve dreamt of designing video games, learning to paint, or traveling on your own to an exotic destination. Here’s how I took my own what-ifs out of my head and into the real world:

Step No. 1: Ask yourself, “What is my what-if?”

If you’d asked me in 2015 to name the dream that my heart was longing for, my answer would have been sleep. My twins were 4 years old, and being a working parent was exhausting. I was busy all the time. It wasn’t until they were semi-independent (or at least fully potty trained) that I could create the head space I needed to figure out what I was looking for, much less do something about it.

Overwhelm and burnout are real. But making space so those questions can emerge is vital to charting your own what-if path. Start asking yourself what you really want, and—most importantly—listen to what your voice tells you.

Step No. 2: Take the first small step.

My “what if year” of internships did not start out as a year. It was originally a “what if two weeks” (which makes a less catchy book title).

The idea of doing a year of internships was too mammoth a change to even fathom. Instead of allowing my brain to worry about taking an entire year off, I gave it a much smaller task: find a two-week window where I could block off time for one internship. Once I had done that and confidently entered “Alisha Out of Office” as a calendar entry, I moved on to the next activity.

I needed to break my big dream down into smaller pieces, so I took a small step. Then another. Then another. When I looked back, I had traveled a long way from where I started.

Step No. 3: Make a Plan A, B and C.

I think some people have the impression that setting off on my year of internships involved throwing caution to the wind and hopping in a convertible yelling, “See ya, suckers!” as I drove off into the sunset. As glamorous as this image may be, it could not be further from the truth.

I am a risk-averse person. I prepare for every possible outcome, rarely leaving home without both sunscreen and an umbrella in my purse. Life as a Type-A person means trying to control whatever I can; what I can’t control, I plan around. Usually, a spreadsheet is involved.

Taking a break from my job, even temporarily, required personal, professional, and financial risk. I had a lot of privilege that enabled me to take these risks, but not so much that I could afford to ignore them entirely. I took the time to move the pieces into place—saving money, putting my friends on standby to support my husband with childcare, devoting extra time to work relationships to make sure they didn’t fall apart when I left. I mitigated the risks with hard work and preparation. The extra time and effort were worth it for my own peace of mind.

Step No. 4: Ask for help.

Growing up in an immigrant family, I was raised to believe that self-reliance was the ultimate virtue. It made me a strong and capable person, but it also made me someone who was terrified to ask other people for help.

I needed to get over that, and quickly. My plan required assistance at every single step, which meant learning to ignore my conditioning and reach out to pretty much everyone I knew to ask for internships and introductions. My team at work managed my clients; my friends picked up the twins from birthday parties. People were happy to support my journey. But if I hadn’t reached out, they wouldn’t have even known I needed them. I had to face my fear of asking others for help in order to help myself.

Step No. 5: Put yourself first (sometimes).

My dad is Catholic and my mom is Jewish, which I’m pretty sure gives me a PhD in guilt. The feeling was my constant, unwelcome frenemy on my journey—like someone asking, “Are you really wearing that?” just as I was about to walk through the door.

I hated it, but I couldn’t shake it. In the end, I had to make peace with my guilt—and move on in spite of it.

It’s a shame that the idea of a woman pursuing a passion purely for herself is still considered transgressive. At every stop of my book tour, I was asked if I felt guilty leaving my children to take these internships. I responded by wondering if they’d ask my husband the same question.

I’m not advocating for a life of constant me-me-me selfishness. But I’d say most of the women I know could stand to be a little more selfish sometimes. And to not feel bad about it.

When you’re ready to take on your what-if and guilt won’t leave you alone, ask yourself how it’s serving you. It’s probably not. Some things need to be left behind to move forward.

Tonight, when the what-ifs start dancing around inside your head, don’t shoo them away. Let them run wild and take up space. Treat them with care. Listen to what they have to say.

And then, when you’re ready, wake up and take the first step to making them happen. You don’t need a Hemsworth. You just need to believe you’re as strong as one already.

Alisha Fernandez Miranda is the author of My What If Year, featured on Good Morning America, CNN, MSNBC, NPR and as one of People’s Best Books. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Quit Your Day Job, and serves as chair and former CEO of I.G. Advisors, a social impact intelligence agency that consults with the world’s biggest nonprofits, foundations, and corporations on their philanthropy and social initiatives. Follow Alisha on Instagram @alishafmiranda and her website at www.alishafmiranda.com.

Question from the Editor: Do you have a “what-if?” dancing around inside your head? If so, what is it?