Lest We Forget

Remember when we could see each other's faces, when we didn't make wide arcs around each other on the street while we're out walking our dogs? Remember dinners, and going to movies and concerts? Those memories are almost starting to fade as this new reality greets us every day when we wake up. It's been eight months, but it feels like it's been much longer. We're scared, and sad, and frustrated, and the worst part is that we might forget what it's like to not feel that way. There is a balance point between learning from a difficult situation and holding on to the life you had before that situation arose, but it's a hard place to find and harder still to maintain.It strikes me, though, that because so much is changing and splintering around us, it's more vital than ever to remember less chaotic times. If we don't remember them, we won't know how to get back to them. Memory is a good teacher; it can also be a beacon.I don't want to forget the feel of a friend's embrace. Or the faces of friends gathered around a dinner table in the days when we didn't have to be frightened of the air between us and we didn't have to measure how far away we were from one another. I don't want to forget how it felt to walk out the front door without grabbing a mask. I definitely don't want to forget that it once would have seemed inconceivable that wearing masks as protection during a global pandemic could divide people along political lines. I no longer walk in my neighborhood because of a woman who refuses to wear a mask and deliberately comes close to other people. She thinks it's funny. So, I now put my dog in the car three times a day and drive her to more peaceful neighborhoods.There are also things we will need to remember when this strange time in our lives is over. In having more time alone, more time to reflect, many of us have started to look at relationships differently. Some have deepened, some have pulled apart. A friend told me that she suddenly started to look at a relationship that was out of balance, in which she was always the one who initiated contact, never the other person. She began questioning why she was allowing this. I had a similar epiphany during these eight months about an identical situation. We've been forced to slow down, take stock, look inward, and that's not a bad thing.Many things are crashing down on us right now. The racism that has never disappeared from this country can no longer be ignored. History is full of memories, and some of them are ugly. Only by looking with clear eyes at the wounds and bigotry that have trailed through America for hundreds of years can we choose to create a country in which those wounds can be healed. The past shackles us only when we refuse to learn from it.I want to remember a time when the President of the United States was an office of dignity and inclusion. I want to remember JFK telling us to ask what we can do for our country. I want to remember George W. Bush standing on the wreckage at Ground Zero the day after the towers fell and speaking to us through a bullhorn. I want to remember my father comforting us after the Challenger disaster, and Barack Obama singing Amazing Grace after one of the many mass shootings. If we don't remember what the presidency is supposed to be, we will never be able to wash off the mud of the past four years.The other morning, I woke up to a soft sweep of clouds across the sky. I remembered what it was like to feel that the earth was solid, dependable – with seasons that rolled on predictably. There were fires in California when I was growing up, but millions of acres didn't burn. There were storms and hurricanes in the east, but entire towns were rarely wiped out. It's possible that we have destroyed so much on this planet that we can never restore it. But we need to remember what this earth is supposed to be so that we can try. It's a fragile blue ball in space with an exquisite balance of nature. It asks only that we be good stewards of it.Maybe by remembering who we are supposed to be, and what this earth is supposed to be, we can move forward as stewards of both. Maybe out of this sad and frightening time we can emerge more determined to learn from all that has gone wrong and truly mean it when we say, Never Again.

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