How to Stop Grasping for the Past So You Can Live for the Now

My grandmother Nellie once told me, “I don’t feel old until I pass by the mirror.” She was in her early eighties when she said this. I was in my twenties. As I looked at her beautifully tanned, lined face surrounded by long braided white hair, I smiled—then I noted for my future self that avoiding mirrors as time passed might be a helpful practice.

Two years ago, I turned 60. Is that old? Do I feel old? I wondered this, reflecting on my grandmother’s comment decades earlier. When my Nellie was 60, I was six years old. Now here I am, her age. Wow.

Looking back, I see every decade as an opportunity to grow and to self-actualize. Turning 40 came with an urgency to step into who I was unabashed. I’d been nurturing old fictional stories about who I was. Yet at 40, I became committed to a personal renaissance. That age curiously catapulted me into an immediacy to fully live my life—now.

As we grow, our mortality becomes more imminent and real. There is a fragility that comes with aging in both the spiritual sense and the physical sense. With every year and every insecurity about aging, there is an invitation to treasure the experience of being alive. To fully accept and appreciate.

With every birthday, I allow myself to accept the flow and ebb of my body and mind. Unlike my grandmother Nellie, I don’t avoid mirrors. I look into them with gratitude that I am here. When we can grow with dignity and appreciation for our physical presence rather than indulge in unconstructive criticism, it is freeing. When a lovely client saw a photo of me at 21, with long Rapunzel-like, thick wavy hair, she commented on how “amazing” I looked. I laughed and responded, “I miss the hair but not the girl!”

I often think about how our society pushes us to idolize youth and classical “beauty.” What this robs us of is the soul of who we truly are. Of course, there are parts to aging that are challenging. The body requires more effort to stay healthy and fit, as does the mind. While there is no guarantee that we will live a long and healthy life, it behooves us to look at our lives as if we will live long.

By accepting growing older as a part of life, just as death is, and not resisting it, we can live in the present. We can live with a sacredness with ourselves. Here’s what I love to say: We will never be younger than we are today! With this mindset, we can put youth back into every age. We can find youth in every precious moment.

We can live for the now.

To do this, I invite you to consider the following:

• Look at aging as growing. You evolve every single day. Become your best friend.

• Without knowing ourselves deeply, it won’t matter if we live to 20 or 100. Be there for you. Lean into the journey of getting to know yourself better.

• Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.

• Invest in your long-term relationships with people older and younger than you.

• Push against societal expectations. We do not become less attractive or less desirable as we age—the opposite. We become more beautiful and more whole as we continue to blossom.

When we stop grasping for the past, and we instead focus on growing, we open the doors to loving our present and future selves. We can see how blessed we are to have age and growth to look forward to.

So I thank my grandmother Nellie for showing me this. She continues to encourage me to look into the mirror. Instead of feeling old, I see a person who has grown and is growing. I see a person who is grateful for the now.

Externals are always fleeting. They are like chasing the illusions of life at every curvy turn. Inside the heart, there is no age, it’s timeless and youthful and curious—always. Isn’t that beautiful?

As we enter each phase of life, we can get more of that timelessness and beauty.

With every birthday, let your slice of cake get a little bigger—with a lot more icing!

R.A. Leslie is a New York City based transformative intuitive catalyst and coach. She is the author of the fairy tale, Do You Know The Sound of Throwing Stars?, Chasing Rainbows, a meditative romance, and When. Contemplations on Life, Memories, and Fairy Tales. Book a coaching session with her at https://www.seeuatnoon.com/.