There's Always Time for Love

“Anyone who thinks fallen leaves are dead has never watched them dancing on a windy day.” —Shira Tamir  

I remember first meeting Eleanor at a salon in a private home. There she was, 84-years-young with bright red lipstick, accordion in her arms, singing her heart out in that private home. I introduced myself to her and we quickly skipped any small talk.  She pointed to an older gentleman, perfectly groomed in a three-piece suit, and called him over exclaiming “That’s my guy!” He was as charming as she was captivating.  I asked how long they had been together.  “Six glorious years,” he said.  I asked how they met. “J-Date!” said Eleanor. “He said he was 89, but he was really 90!”

They spent nine years together. They spent time talking, touching, dining, laughing, learning, and exploring.  When the time came for him to transition, she held his hand and whispered, “You are about to experience the biggest mystery of life” as he took his last breath. Eleanor later shared with me “he was one of the great loves of my life”.

Cut to two more recent conversations around love that I have had with clients. One was with a middle-aged man. He had struggled with a painful break up a couple of years ago and felt that he needed to have his life "in order" before he could “attract the right partner.” He didn’t feel successful enough, he told me. My other client, a middle-aged woman, was both divorced and widowed. She felt insecure about dating. In a culture that values beauty and youth, she confided in me that she felt old and “not pretty enough anymore.”

These three people’s love scenarios have similarities yet strikingly different perceptions. They all experienced heartbreak and desired to find another loving partner again. But Eleanor embraced and acted on the idea that love is possible at any stage in life. The other two struggled with imagining the possibility of finding love again. They were discouraged by self-judgment and worried that others might see them through the same critical lens.

Autumn is a great time to for re-evaluation, reinvention and harvest. This can apply to the love front as well. For when it comes to love, the power to receive it lies within our perception. Below are common perceptual “blocks”, which can hold our love life hostage and keep us from finding the beloved partner we desire. Thankfully, there are perceptual pivots that we can all make to help break free from these self-imposed blocks, encouraging and propelling us forward toward finding love again—no matter where we are in life or what our age.  

12 Ways to Break Free from Blocks and Find Love Again

Perceptual Block #1: I feel OLD and fear my days of finding love again are gone.

Perceptual Pivot #1: Age Is Only a Conceptual Construct.

Yes, you are older, chronologically. But age is a construct, which is energetically communicated. There are folks in their golden years who feel ageless, and youngsters who seem old. Growing “older” is a privilege that bears wisdom lines. Share it proudly, everywhere you go. It is bound to inspire and may magnetize the right partner for you… at the right time, for the right reasons.  

Perceptual Block #2:  I cannot imagine falling in love again. I gravitate toward romantic stories, but I just don’t see it happening for me.

Perceptual Pivot #2: Practice the power of belief. 

It’s hard to receive what you don’t believe. So start imagining. Review, in your mind’s eye and in your heart, how it will feel to be with your beloved. Keep the vision, essence, and feel of the person of your dreams in your intentional field of awareness.    

Perceptual Block #3: I was not successful in former relationships. I feel ashamed over the mistakes I made. Given my track record, I doubt my capacity for finding love again. 

Perceptual Pivot #3: Apply your experiential wisdom.  It is your consciousness today which dictates whether you are stuck in old dysfunctional or sabotaging patterns or have learned from them. Previous “mistakes” can always be alchemized into greater wisdom and rerouted into right action.  

Perceptual Block #4: I’ve been rejected and betrayed too many times. I can’t bear getting hurt again.

Perceptual Pivot #4:  Recognize the data.

Consider replacing the notion of rejection to recognizing that whatever has occurred in the past has given you important data. It may have provided a mirror, beckoning you to release and transform things in your consciousness that don’t serve you. Or perhaps it was beneficial feedback that the person who ended things with you or betrayed your trust was not in fact your person any longer (or perhaps they never were). Once you clear the fear of rejection out of your way, you will recover much quicker from disappointment, expanding the space and possibility for greater alignment and a better love fit for you.  

Perceptual Block #5: My body has changed. I’ve gained the mid-section pounds. How can I be attractive to someone when I am larger than I used to be?

Perceptual Pivot #5: Accept and appreciate your body.

A potential partner for you is aging too. And this person likely does not have the physique or skin tone of their younger years. We are all changing and growing older. So, embrace the gift of your body as it is right now.  

Perceptual Block #6. I’m a woman approaching menopause and my hormones are totally whacked.  I feel like I’ve got nothing to offer from the waste down!

Perceptual Pivot #6:  Choose your thoughts wisely.

Your mojo resides first and foremost in your mind… and then will travel back to your erogenous zones, which do still exist for you!  There are also medications, supplements and procedures that can help with this.  You are not alone, as many women in mid-life report feeling disconnected from their sexual desire and sensuality.  Others report feeling freer than ever, despite their physiological changes. Staying pro-active, with a positive mindset, matters.  

Perceptual Block #7:  With mask mandates and social distancing, how can I even think about dating during the pandemic?

Perceptual Pivot #7: Love is always present.

Choose the perspective that you do not have to keep your heart on hold. The possibility of love is ever present—even during a global pandemic.  

Perceptual Block #8:  Things are so politically heated. I feel like my field of possible romantic partners has just split in half because of the divisiveness.

Perceptual Pivot #8:  True love has no bounds and is bound to surprise. 

Review and re-evaluate any rigid or fixed ideas about previous non-negotiables, regarding what is necessary for you in romantic partnership.  Examples may include:  political identification, age, physical attributes, geographic location, marital status, or child/pet requirements.  Stretch to get to know the person, versus these identifiers, which can be misleading.  Love has no bounds—and it is bound to surprise  

Perceptual Block #9:  The thought of getting out there stresses me out.

Perceptual Pivot #9: Try a light-hearted approach.

Imagine the dating field as a playground and classroom.  There are so many interesting things to learn about others—and from yourself.  Have fun and keep an inquisitive mind.  Set the intention to experience everyone who crosses your path as a gift, which will ultimately bring you closer to clarity and love.  

Perceptual Block #10: I don’t even know where to begin dating. 

Perceptual Pivot #10: Explore all possibilities.

That’s right: Be open to all options, including blind dates, online dating, matchmaking services, and random encounters.  Keep your mind and heart open to ways to meet and greet that you may have previously judged or dismissed.  It’s the law of attraction:  the more active you are on venturing out and seeking opportunities to meet your love, the greater probability you will find them.  

Perceptual Block #11: I worry that I will be disappointed again.

Perceptual Pivot #11: Embrace the promise of the present.

We are always just one moment, one breath, one step away from a new beginning. As you are on the path to finding the right one for you, take notice and appreciate the value in every interaction.  

Perceptual Block #12:  It’s been so long that I’m afraid I will not remember all the work that I’ve done on myself and will make poor choices again.

Perceptual Pivot #12: Trust yourself.

How do you stay true to remembering your worth and knowing your deepest desires? And how do you remember what you have come to know about your desires?  The courage to go out on dates is key to bringing you closer to finding the love that exists for you.  Any time you detour, get confused, or have a memory lapse about your clarified and claimed desire, go back and revisit your vows to yourself.  Your heart is your most reliable compass that remembers who you are, knows what you’re worth, and is deeply attuned to what you want and deserve. It will show you the way. Just trust.  

Be assured that no matter where or what circumstance you find yourself in life, love is possible for you.  And finding romantic love has no expiration date.  It is ageless, limitless, and endless.  All you need is a heap of hope, a bit of bold belief, a splash of charming curiosity, and a dash of courageous confidence to take steady action to meet and greet other beings, sharing this human experience, one person at a time.

So, choose faith that who and what you are looking for will appear in divine timing.  And in the meantime, continue to enjoy life … to its fullest.