During the first phase of the
L.O.V.E. formula, we emphasized the importance and power of Looking Within to connect with yourself more deeply, while also recognizing any prior self-depreciating distortions that inhibited the flow of finding and sustaining love.As we boost our relationship with ourselves first, it expands the architecture of our heart. As your heart opens even wider, your beloved will have more room to enter.Attracting the love that is right for you requires a new vantage point and launching pad, grounded with an Open Heart–bringing you closer to creating clarity and space for your love to find you. So in this second step, your focus remains inward, as you visualize and fantasize about what you truly want in a relationship and what kind of individual you want to share your life with.
The Journey To Opening Your Heart
'When you open your heart with a quiet mind, love rushes in” …Genevieve GerardPrimary IPIQ (interpersonal IQ) question to ponder: What does my heart desire?To guide you in this process, ask yourself the following L.O.V.E. formula 'Open Hearted” questions”:
- What do I want? (ie: sexual orientation, dateable or mate-able, life-partner or marriage, monogamy or open relationship)
- Who is my next partner? (ie: demeanor, temperament, character etc.)
- How do I feel in their presence? (ie: valued, attracted, stimulated, engaged, cherished, celebrated, safe)
- How does our relationship feel? (ie: warm, fun, romantic, adventurous)
- What are my non-negotiables? (ie: kids, age, geography, religion/spirituality, values, sexuality and sexual preferences, lifestyle, financial)
What I have learned from my own personal experience, as well as counseling countless individuals and couples is that this stage, of imagining and declaring what and who we are seeking to find, before we enter the dating field, is all too often skipped over. What's important to understand here is that your heart can only open as far as your mind can see. If it's wide open, we can see love everywhere. If it's closed, we continue to be blind to its presence and heart-broken by its absence and fault lines. If you believe that love is rare, or comes as a stroke of luck, then you may very well feel skeptical about its inevitably for you. Your heart may remain constricted in order to protect you from any feared or anticipated disappointment.Supported by science, The HeartMath Institute's research verifies that the heart is a source of intelligence. Neuroscience and quantum physics shows us that thought precedes form. What we think creates a feeling state, that informs our actions, which influences the outcome. In this field, like attracts like, and the field feeds you what you feel. Another words, most often we need to believe before we can receive. Conscious attention and intention is a precursor to manifestation on every front of life, including your love-life.In the spirit of preparing for and calling in your next love, this stage encourages complete surrender into your heart's desire. Here you practice imagining love to be abundant, available and awaiting you! Imagine that, someday soon, you will be in the best relationship you have ever experienced, with someone you respect, admire, trust and love. You feel absolutely seen, heard, adored and ravished by them. You share values and vision, stimulate each other intellectually, have palpable chemistry and have great fun together. The relationship is steady, solid and growing.The heart is a big muscle. Let's work it out again, with these ten common perceptual blocks and pivots below, that will stretch your heart's bandwidth to enjoy true and lasting love.
Perceptual Block: I just can't imagine true love happening for me!Perceptual Pivot : If you can imagine it not happening, you can practice imagining that it can. It's all about what beliefs you choose to adopt and envisioning practices you choose to incorporate and practice. Living in fear, worry and doubt, has been perpetuated by a pessimistic perceptual voice in your head. Decide to re-write that old story of lack and futility. Say hello to your optimistic heart, which embraces excitement and eager anticipation for when you will be in your lover's arms.
Perceptual Block: "I've been told my whole life that I want too much, I'm too pollyanna and unrealistic"
Perceptual Pivot: If thoughts are like a tuning fork, that send signals to the unified field, then why not 'tune-In” and envision the best possible scenario your heart can imagine? Stay focused on successfully connecting with that, and not settling for less.
Perceptual Block: 'During this pandemic era of quarantine and social distancing, it seems unlikely that I'd ever meet someone.
Perceptual Pivot: Cupid's arrow has a mind, place and time of its own. The 'when" remains a mystery. Don't waste mental energy on the 'if” or 'how”. Affairs of the heart are ever more powerful than external circumstance. True love can bloom anytime. Be willing and ready to receive it–whenever, wherever, however, and forever!
Perceptual Block: 'I'm afraid to open my heart and get hurt again.”
Perceptual Pivot: If past hurts wreaked havoc on your dating life and relationships up until now–you get to call in a new chapter.Accept, utilize and make peace with your past, by turning your wounds into wisdom. This requires awareness of the lessons learned, and focus on living in the present moment. It is here where you can author a new reality that reflects the purity of your mind's eye and desiring heart–with a full embrace of your deservingness to enjoy a healthy, happy, and ever-lasting love story.
Perceptual Block: 'I'll open my heart when things are in order–(home, career, kids, finances, etc.)”
Perceptual Pivot: Don't wait for everything to be in perfect order, because it never will be. Trust that, when the time is right, it will be the right time.
Perceptual Block: 'If 50% of marriages fail, why set myself up for heartbreak?”
Perceptual Pivot: You can envision a fall from grace or flight into something wonderful. If more individuals were mindfully attuned to their own value and what they genuinely want in a romantic partnership, before they begin to date and mate, relationship success rate statistics would sky-rocket.
Perceptual Block: The love of my life passed away a few years ago. I can't imagine anything better than what I had with them.
Perceptual Pivot : New love does not replace any previous loves, who will always live inside your heart. New love is quite simply that –new, and different. Imagine the blessing of experiencing more than one beautiful and compatible companion in your lifetime!
Perceptual Block: I can't imagine dating anyone farther than ten miles from me. Long distance feels frustrating and doomed to fizzle fast.
Perceptual Pivot: You cannot geographically predict where love will find you. It knows no bounds. While you are widening the portals to your heart, consider expanding its geographic boundaries as well. When the connection is truly aligned, happy couples travel miles and move mountains to create a life together.
Perceptual Block: 'I was so much more optimistic when I was younger. How can my heart dream big now that I'm almost 50?!”
Perceptual Pivot: There are no age parameters in the land of love. It's more primal and imbedded then any lines on your face will ever be. Imagine experiencing a love that you feel you've been waiting for your whole life. Act 'as if” it's on its way, tapping into this powerful energy field of joyful visceral anticipation.
Perceptual Block: 'What if I open my heart and it doesn't happen?”
Perceptual Pivots: There's a difference between expectation and intention. Being attached to a blueprint, with rigid expectations, applies pressure and often bears disappointment. Conscious intention simply sets the stage for love to enter. More importantly, opening your heart is not just there to attract a wonderful partner. It belongs to you–enriching your life and all you touch, wherever you go.In summary, the perceptions you choose will pave the way to your greatest love story. Continue the inward journey by tuning into and declaring your desires. Keep your heart open to all possibilities. Transform disbelief into believing, and fear into faith. Imagine waking up with a loving partner who awakens your senses, with whom you share stimulating conversations and belly laughs. You understand, trust, appreciate, and advocate for one another. Oh, and did I mention intoxicating sexual chemistry? Yes, that too. Just imagine.Your person is out there looking for you too. Open Your Heart–so that your love can enter it.
L.O.V.E. Formula Affirmations:I am grateful for all the dating and relationship experiences I have had thus far, that have nourished me and taught me so much about my true worth and desires.My heart is fully open to give and receive loveI envision and feel my beloved, and invite them to find meI am excited to meet them, and will receive this new and beautiful love with arms wide openThank you God/Universe/Source for hearing my heart's desire–
The spring session of Dr. Marcy Cole's four-week webinar, ‘Finding Love Again,' begins again in May. To learn more and sign up, click here. This original essay, which is part of a 4-part series, was featured in the February 18, 2021 edition of The Sunday Paper. The Sunday Paper publishes News and Views that Rise Above the Noise and Inspires Hearts and Minds. To get The Sunday Paper delivered to your inbox each Sunday morning for free, click here to subscribe.
