Find Your Way to Yourself

I sat on the airplane, looking out the window. The sky was blue, and the clouds looked as though they were holding hands. The beautiful autumn trees faded away until the sky was all I could see. I was leaving behind a whole lot of feelings—back-to-back funerals, or "celebrations of life," as one program called them. One funeral usually gets you thinking, but two? Well, that gets you reevaluating, reassessing, and reflecting in a big way.

One thing that rose to the surface at both funerals, and at the one I attended the week before for my friend Erin’s mother, was the power, the value, and the astounding importance of family. Sure, when three living U.S. presidents come to eulogize your aunt, you sit up and pay attention to their words about her impact on social justice and human rights. I also listened closely as they credited her for continuing my Uncle Bobby’s work in a passionate and ferocious way. But at the end of the day, it’s our families, our children, our mothering, or our parenting that is our greatest accomplishment—or our biggest miss.

We can leave behind a mess or a beautiful tapestry of individuals who feel they got what they needed—and then some. Society doesn’t put you on a magazine cover for stepping up, showing up, and doing what it takes over and over to love, nurture, and nourish a child or a family. It puts you on a cover for your profession, your net worth, or your so-called professional accomplishments. It got me thinking how backward we have things. It’s hard to go against a culture that rewards the workaholic, the driver, the competitor. It’s hard to rest and reflect when everyone is running 24/7. It’s hard to be introverted, shy, or tender-hearted in a society that rewards those who aren’t.

We all have a private persona and a public persona. Rarely do we think of the private struggles that so many people around us endure. For example, when you look at Kamala Harris, do you think of her heartbreak or simply her strength? When you look at former President Trump, do you consider his loneliness or his 8-year-old self? Do you think about the private version of yourself or your work colleague? Most of us only know the public self a person puts forth. Oftentimes, we never get a glimpse into someone’s authentic self. People are often afraid to expose that scared, vulnerable persona that hides within. But I’ve learned over time that we all have that version of ourselves—so why not let it out into the open? Why hide parts of ourselves?

The goal is a wildly authentic self, a wildly authentic life. We can’t have that unless we allow ourselves to grow, evolve, shed, and inhabit all parts of us. We must recognize that others, too, have those hidden aspects. The goal is to know our authentic selves—the good, the bad, the strong, the scared. We need to work with them all, celebrate them all, and give voice to them all.

After quite a long life of trying on quite a few different versions of myself, I’ve come to firmly believe that those who can claim their own names, their own voices, their own lives, and live them at their own speed are the ones to pay attention to. The ones who can somehow manage to make those they love feel like the most important people in the world, and still do something meaningful with their lives—those are the ones I seek to emulate, seek to learn from, and seek to honor.

A few weeks ago, I was speaking to a guy at a party who said something that stayed with me. He said, "I’m struck by how hard people fight to hold onto their limited selves, how hard they fight to be less than who they could be. How hard they hold onto one version of themselves without allowing a new version to bloom." So true. In the spirit of that, this week I’m offering up a different facet of myself in a brand new book—which I’m pleased to announce exclusively here. Yippee!

This new book is a departure for me, and when I tell people what it is, they simply stare at me. Then they say, "Okay, wow, cool. I can’t wait!" The truth is, I’ve waited a long time to publish my new book: I Am Maria: My Poems and Reflections on Heartbreak, Healing, and Hope. The truth is, for the longest time, I never thought being Maria was enough.

In fact, as I walked down the center aisle at St. Matthew’s Cathedral in Washington, D.C. this past week, I thought back to the 8-year-old version of myself who walked down the same aisle for my uncle, President Kennedy’s, funeral. I thought about how scared she was, how anxious, how overwhelmed, and how alone she felt. The me that walked down the same aisle this week, holding my son Christopher’s arm, still carries that little girl inside. But this version of me was calm, steady, and composed.

It’s taken me a really long time to get to this place—to own my own name, to own my own life, to find healing, and to find my way home. Home to myself and home to the many facets that make up Maria. I’m excited to publish this book of my poems and reflections because I believe that writing poetry from the frontline of your life can be an extraordinary tool in healing. All of us, regardless of how we grew up, need healing.

I’ve long been a writer, but taking a stab at poetry? Well, that was a whole new experience for me, and quite a daunting one at that. It started when I was in a dark place in my life, and writing poetry helped me dig my way out. It helped me make sense of so many things in my life. For instance, it helped me learn that that heartbreak doesn’t come from the end of one particular relationship. It comes from all the things that accumulate in your heart from when you were young. By digging deep within, I realized that my heartbreak was decades old, but that I finally had the power to heal it and myself.

My poetry helped me find answers and peace, and after I unlocked it as a tool for healing, I haven’t stopped writing since. I ultimately decided to publish my poems after several friends who read them said they had ignited a self-discovery in their own lives. I also decided to publish them after having that vision in Cambodia, which I shared with so many of you back in July.

If you recall, in that vision, I saw a new version of myself wanting to express herself in a more vulnerable way—and that scared me. All of a sudden, it became clear that even though I was scared to publish this book, it was also important that I listen to this voice within myself that was asking to come forward and speak. So, today, I share with you the news of this book and the journey that led me to write it. I Am Maria is a book about love and loss. It’s a book about longing and liberation. And ultimately, it’s a book about finding your way to yourself—no matter your age or what you’ve been through in life.

I believe that writing is an extraordinary tool to help you find peace in the here and now, to help you uncover a voice that you may have buried long ago, and to introduce you to an aspect of yourself that perhaps you never knew existed. I believe people are hungry to express their truth. They yearn to be their true selves, to discover who and what that is. There is a longing within all of us to know our wildness and our fire, to touch our vulnerability and our strength, to connect with the child within and feel that it’s all okay. It’s actually liberating, exciting, and inspiring.

All the digging can unleash a voice and a being that may initially feel unknown to you, but eventually feels like home. I’m hopeful this book will speak to hearts and souls, ignite minds and imaginations, and help others find their way home to themselves. This isn’t poetry like my hero Mary Oliver, but when I shared with her that I was writing poetry and read her some of my poems, she encouraged me not to hold back and to "publish away!"

At an event I attended recently, a man said to me “I’ve just started reading The Sunday Paper and the Maria that writes there is a soulful woman. She’s not who I expected. When I used to think of Maria Shriver, I thought of a hard-charging journalist.” I laughed and tried to explain that people can be both and more. The man seemed shocked by this reality, but it’s true.

So, here is a sneak peek of my new book cover and a description. The book comes out April 1, which is the start of National Poetry Month. You can preorder it now. Remember, we all have light and darkness within us. If we want to heal our world, the healing begins with us. We all have heartbreak, and that’s okay, because heartbreak comes from love. Each and every one of us deserves to feel at home in ourselves, just like I did when I walked down that aisle this last week. Finding our way home to ourselves is indeed the work of a lifetime—and of a strong, compassionate warrior. It’s my hope this book guides you home.