The Surprising Power of Talking Less in an Incessantly Noisy World

In his new book STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World, author and journalist Dan Lyons makes a compelling argument: We all stand to gain more by talking less.

It’s a wild stance given that our world—our Instagram-filled, Twitter-fueled, endless news cycle world—encourages us to do the opposite. We’ve become wired to chime in, share, comment, and talk talk talk. So why refrain?

For a bevy of reasons, believes Lyons—with the greatest being that babbling less can improve many aspects of our lives, including our health.

Intrigued, we called Lyons, an admitted over-talker, this past week to learn more. The following four takeaways from our conversation reveal a fascinating truth: By talking less, we enhance not only ourselves but others—and even our world.

#1: Talking less leads to greater success.

It may seem counterintuitive but in business, keeping quiet can lead to stellar results—particularly for promotions, salary increases, and negotiations. “I started talking to people who specialize in negotiation, and the biggest thing they said to do is talk less,” Lyons tells us. Silence and the power of the pause are critical keys.

#2: Active listening helps us nourish our relationships.

In his book, Lyons breaks down five practices for talking less that he believes “can make everyone’s life better.” When asked which practice is best to start with, he answers us with conviction: “Become an active listener.” He continues, “this is the best one because it drives the others. The only way to listen is to shut up.”

Truly listening is one of the most powerful skills we can hone, believes Lyons. And it doesn’t just benefit us, but also those around us. As he writes, “Instead of just hearing someone, active listening means blocking out everything else and paying fierce attention to what the other person is saying. Nothing makes people happier than the feeling of being authentically heard and seen.”

#3: Having richer conversations leads to more satisfaction—and better health.  

We don’t need to stop talking altogether. That would be impossible. But when we more deeply consider the words and intentions that fuel our conversations, we benefit—emotionally and physically. So believes social psychologist Matthias Mehl, whose insights peppered large parts of Lyons’ book. “He found that having good substantive conversations correlates with greater amounts of happiness,” Lyons tells us.

Even more so, Mehl (in tandem with psychologist Steve Cole) discovered a link between meaningful talk and better immunity. As Lyons writes, “they found that people who spent more time having good conversations displayed a ‘down-regulated inflammatory response,’ meaning they had healthier immune systems and were less likely to suffer from inflammatory conditions like hypertension and heart disease.”

So what makes for such a conversation, believes Lyons? Asking good questions, really listening, and speaking with intention.

#4: Keeping quiet can be hard (for many)—but it's still important to try.

Lyons admits his journey of talking less is ongoing. “I have to slam on the breaks,” he says of the urge to overshare, especially in social settings. “I have to be intentional about it and work on it everyday.”

Lyons’ admission is a helpful reminder: This work is a process, so we must go easy on ourselves. Plus, the world we live in, with its cacophony of media and content, makes it hard. “In the entirety of human history, there has never been such a noisy age,” Lyons writes. “and it keeps getting noisier.”

But this is all the more reason to try—and again, start by listening. Because when we shut up and listen more, we’re part of a change toward a better world.

Dan Lyons is a New York Times bestselling author, screenwriter and journalist. His books include STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World, and Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Startup Bubble. Dan was a writer on HBO’s hit comedy, Silicon Valley and worked as a technology journalist at Forbes, Fortune, and Newsweek. Learn more at danlyons.io and order his new book here.

Question from the Editor: Can you imagine your world improving if you talked less? We'd love to know in the comments below!