What's Better than Having It All? It's Having a Meaningful Life—and Traci Schubert Barrett Has 4 Tips for Getting There

In 2011, I had it all: A rewarding executive role, a team that I loved, a doting husband, and two beautiful children. Almost 20 years earlier, I had the privilege of joining a small group of people who helped start HGTV. Together, we enjoyed building one of the world's most beloved brands from a fledgling idea into a billion-dollar media empire. I was overseeing two HGTV offices and a large staff of wonderful people. The work was challenging, exciting, and a dream come true.

And then, at the top of my game, I walked away.

I had repeatedly been told I 'had it all,' so why would I walk away for seemingly less?

Rather than feeling the satisfaction I was promised upon reaching the pinnacle of success, I was burnt out, on autopilot, and depleted. I wanted to face plant onto the floor. I had checked all the boxes, yet I felt unsatisfied and restless. I knew everyone was only getting a fraction of me. I didn't want that for my family, team, or company. Life seemed to be living me rather than me living it.

So, seeing I couldn't figure out how to solve the riddle of having it all, I chose to leave, catch my breath, and reevaluate.

Fast forward to today, and this type of exit is commonplace. Women are resigning from their top positions. New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, and YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki are just a few examples. Research from McKinsey & Company and LeanIn.org shows women leaders are leaving their companies at the highest rate ever.

When Ardern resigned, she explained that she needed to refocus and replenish after six years of doing it all. Doing it all and having it all takes a toll. Many people wondered why she would walk away from a job where she was excelling and one that she loved. The answer is simple: she needed a full tank plus more in reserve for the unrelenting demands often placed on women.

The Pressures of Having, Being, and Doing It "All"

My decision to resign from my job was not well received by many. Many of my coworkers and bosses were disappointed and confused. One counterpart and friend at another media network told me I was making "a big mistake" and predicted I would have an identity crisis after my departure. Even worse, she believed I was setting back women in the workplace by going home. I remember thinking, "Wow, I'm carrying that weight too?" No wonder I felt too exhausted to get out of bed.

All of this helped me see that a life of striving for "having it all" isn't what it's cracked up to be. Perhaps I had translated that ultimate goal of "having it all" to "being it all" and "doing it all" instead.

A big part of being there for everyone meant saying yes to much more than one human can handle without any physical or mental cost. There tends to be much doing and being when you have it all. No wonder I felt burnt out and depleted. I had taken all the good of my life and turned it into the greatest chore on earth.

So, I decided to go toward something better.

What's Better than Having It All?

I had bought into the idea that not only could women have it all, but they should look good doing it: the perfect job, family, and life. What I found is that perfection isn't real. It's an insurmountable feat. They are dangerous expectations that make us feel more like failures than successes. And because we don't like feeling like failures, we will endlessly strive to achieve or die trying.

For months, I had been wrestling alone with the decision to stay or go. What would happen if I left such a fantastic job, especially at the top of my career? What would I do next? What could I do next? Was there more for me on the other side of it all?

And also, who would I be?

I had to alter my perspective and look at the rest of my life through a new lens. I needed to shift from a "having it all" mentality to "having what I need." I evaluated what I would give up to get the life I desired. I determined what was most valuable to me and decided to leap toward a more meaningful life.

I found on this soul-searching journey that the first thing I needed to do was re-discover myself. It may sound cliche, but after a lifetime of checking off all the boxes placed before me, it was hard to determine what I wanted next. I had to start with who I was today. I had to let go of the past labels and titles and think deeply about my unique talents and passions that could form a purpose that pushed beyond success. A purpose that superseded whatever role was most prominent in my life.

What Is Your Meaningful Life?

There are countless ways and shapes that a satisfying, whole, meaningful life can take. What matters is that you choose it.

Through the lens of your defined and outlined ideal life, "thriving at work" might mean working part-time or having your own company. It could be a new adventure or an opportunity to master your skills. It might positively impact your family, company, and those around you, regardless of title, pay, or job description.

Ultimately, this is about having agency over what's in your life so you can be present for your friends, family, and community. It's about making joy and contentment paramount. It builds a life you can rest in, not race in.

To create that more meaningful life in what is now my second half of life, I decided to start my own company. As a speaker, a leadership strategist, and an author, I have found that "significance" means helping others to navigate their journeys. It is spending two years writing the book I always wished I had when wrestling with my pivotal crossroads a decade ago. It's working more now that my children are close to leaving the nest.

4 Tips to Creating More Meaning and Realizing All You Need

As an executive coach today, I work with many entrepreneurs, leaders, and overachievers who face the same dilemma. If you find yourself seeking to leave the race and go after more meaning, peace, and joy, here are four tips:

1. Stop working toward having it all, and instead, define what you need.

Time is not a renewable resource. You do not want to wake up one day and have regrets that you were not present in your life. You get to decide what you value the most and move toward only those things. Sometimes that means articulating what you must give up to design the life you want. Remember to let go of the airbrushed picture you see on social media and the pressure of succeeding for anyone else's sake. Name your priorities and stick to them.

2. Have a longevity mindset.

Believe that your life will be long and there are phases to it. Rest in that. Don't feel that you have to achieve everything tomorrow. When you look at your life as a long road ahead, you can give yourself the grace to focus on what you need in each phase. In some phases, you can stay late at the office, join the book club, volunteer, work less, or stay home with your family. In other phases, you won't, and that's okay.

3. Articulate the vision for your life.

To live a thriving life, you must fully understand who you are, what you value, and the talents you bring to the table. Design a vision for your life against those things to create a compass. Reset your expectations about what is suitable for you and be motivated to figure out what you need. Work to craft a vivid picture of where you want to be in twenty years and commit to letting the rest go.

4. Learn to say, 'That doesn't work for me right now.'

This is incredibly hard for many women, overachievers, and people-pleasers to say—but it's essential. Saying, "that doesn't work for me right now," is an important and meaningful way to say no because it speaks to the vision for your life and your desire to find balance. If you feel that something will genuinely add to your life and be fulfilling, of course, say yes. But if you know in your heart that you're doing something for the wrong reasons, consider saying this.

Move Toward Something Better

The truth is, we can have it all. But now it's time to define the personal version of "all" to be our best selves, live with balance, and build a life of purpose and meaning.

Traci Schubert Barrett is the author of What If There’s More: Finding Significance Beyond Success, one of the founders of HGTV: Home & Garden Television, and the President & Founder of the business consulting firm, Navigate the Journey.