Learning How to Stay Calm through the Practice of Buddhism

Am I always calm, collected, and composed? Do I live with an unflustered and unruffled state of mind? I don't necessarily see myself that way. However, I was recently told at work that I'm unflappable and that no matter what comes my way, I stay the course and carry on. My responsibilities are often very demanding and require multi-tasking to the max. Me being unflappable was gratifying to hear especially since staying calm under pressure was definitely not my 'go to” strategy when I was younger. I wore a very different demeanor that was quite the opposite.Self-reflection of my past behavior brought to mind the seemingly insurmountable life altering challenges that I experienced as a child. My parents divorced shortly after my eighth birthday. When I was ten, my older brother died from kidney disease. He was only thirteen. The following year my grandfather passed away and by the time I turned twelve, my mother had decided to remarry. We moved away from the only neighborhood that I had known, leaving me feeling insecure and unsteady in my new school environment. My fragmented comfort zone had now completely vanished. I was lost and trying to process what felt like tragedies and changes in rapid succession. Lost, with a deep pit of sadness taking up too much space and saturating my young life. A sadness that set up camp in my guts and trampled on my heart leaving a hole that I didn't know how to redirect or fill. I didn't know how to cope. Instead I pretended that everything was okay and thus began my tumultuous approach of controlling whatever I could. Control became my survival mechanism. I was in a constant frenzy of always making sure I looked my best, always making sure I did well in school, and always striving for excessive neatness. Everything had to be in its rightful place. This represented order and stability for me. The outside appeared neat and tidy, but my insides were harried and disheveled. I became obsessed and wound too tight. And I still couldn't escape the loneliness and despair that percolated right underneath the surface.A few years later, after one of my obsessive adolescent rants about why a particular situation wasn't manufacturing the results I desired, I fixated on how I could manipulate the circumstances to my liking. After a long night of politely listening to my tirade, a trusted friend cautiously said to me, 'why don't you chant about it?” We shared the same first name – except she wore an exuberant smile always displaying the finessed artistry of her teenage orthodontia.Having no idea what she was talking about, I asked her, 'what is chanting and why would I do that?” She started to tell me about Nichiren Buddhism and how she chanted the words 'Nam Myoho Renge Kyo” every day. She explained that it offered the ability to bring out her highest potential based on an inner transformation. This spoke to me and aroused my curiosity.I went to a Buddhist meeting at a nearby community center where I learned more about the practice and immediately decided to give it a try. I desired something that would equip me with the power and ability to truly develop and take me beyond my self-induced limiting behavior. I wanted to experience peace from within. I wanted to experience genuine happiness because up until then, I was wearing a façade that was thinly veiling my lack of sense of self, my insecurities, and my frailties. I had been so focused on trying to control my surroundings because I didn't have the tools or the wherewithal to create a much needed internal transformation.I wanted to know true strength and confidence but most of all I wanted to make significant changes. Chanting became the cause and action that facilitated these changes.I was on a mission to reshape my life and help others do the same. As human beings we all have certain behavioral patterns that typically dominate us and I was determined to transform mine. For the first time, I had hope.I began to chant morning and evening and my life felt elevated. Difficult situations continued to present themselves because that's part of life, but my reactions to these situations were different. I was fueled with an inner resolve and confidence to become the person that I knew lived inside of me. I was manifesting positive results and not looking for someone else to solve my problems for me. I was no longer at the complete mercy of my environment. It was a process, an internal overhaul to rid myself of a negative belief system.During my 40+ years of practicing Buddhism, I have overcome challenges in almost every area of my life – be it relationships, career transitions, conquering cancer or financial struggles, to name a few. But it's not about me striving for perfection anymore or learning how to cope with life, it's about thriving and moving forward. Not being perfect, but solid. There's no more twisting and turning with every curve ball encounter.And I ask myself almost daily, what is the intent in my heart? Because my journey and my purpose is to be the best me I can be regardless of what comes my way.One of my many goals is to live a contributive life, to nurture kindness and compassion, and to find appreciation in everything. In kindness, I find strength and this is one of the more powerful transformations that I have encountered.Being unflappable didn't come naturally to me, but it is a calm based on an acquired strong sense of self.And a quote from my mentor, Daisaku Ikeda, reminds me that we're not in this alone.'None of us can exist in isolation. Our lives and existence are supported by others in seen and unseen ways, be it by parents, mentors, or society at large. To be aware of these connections, to feel appreciation for them and to strive to give something back to society in a spirit of gratitude is the proper way for human beings to live.”