Breaking Down Walls: Friendship, Faith, and Healing

Can we talk about faith please? It is one of my favorite topics to discuss especially when the conversation is focused on the greatness of God. Having a dialogue about religion was not always something I enjoyed. I would roll my eyes and shut down when someone tried to talk all Jesus-y to me. It would make me feel uncomfortable because I would anticipate a moment of judgment or a bible verse that I knew nothing about. As a gay man, I learned to build up a mental survival wall when it came to religion, as I knew many people considered me to be a sin. Growing up in Arizona and being raised Catholic contributed to the mortar mix that helped me build up my defense. Brick by brick, my wall stood tall and closed me off from connecting with other people.

When my husband and I moved back to Phoenix after living in West Hollywood for 10 years, we were motivated by a group of guys that made us think outside of our comfort zone. We started going to a local gym that was known for weight lifting, training and fitness competitions. At first, we were intimidated by the overall vibe, as it was a different energy from what we had been used to. In any case, we committed to joining and ended up building a genuine friendship with the owner, Derek, and some other guys that frequently worked out there. Our unique friendship was like a sociology experiment at its best. Our differences did not matter. What was most significant was how we were united on so many other fronts, including our love for God. Being able to have open conversations about faith during the chaos of the pandemic was very healing. My husband and I needed it the most as my mother-in-law had just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

Doctors had discovered a meatball-sized tumor that led to immediate chemotherapy treatments. This news was absolutely devastating. We prayed every night. About a year into treatment, my mother-in-law would have her first scan to see what the latest prognosis was. Imagine what it was like waiting for those results. To everyone’s surprise, her scans were clear with no signs of cancer. That meatball-sized tumor and other spots in her body were gone. It was a miracle and still is to this very day. Something about my mother-in-law’s cancer battle and the hardships of the pandemic changed the way I looked at life. I began to think about death and how everything can change in a flash. All of this inspired me to be better and put my trust in God. That is when I decided to search for a church.

I had great success in finding churches that really connected with us. We loved the music, messaging, and the feeling that overcame us when we were there. Sadly, my follow up afterwards to these churches was very disappointing. I directly asked them about their stance on certain topics that were important to us. Although I did not get the answers I wanted, I respectfully moved on to seek a church where we could feel safe and accepted.

Then, my best friend, Kaley O’Kelley, told me about her son’s teacher whose husband was the head pastor at Lincoln Heights Christian Church which was not far from our house. I had been to a Christian church before, so I was a bit hesitant about her suggestion about going. Walking into Lincoln Heights, you are welcomed by smiles at the door along with the aroma of fresh coffee and donuts. The main worship area is humble and the sound of upbeat music kicks in at the start of service. The Head Pastor, Chris Roussin, is a natural speaker and delivers the word of God in a way that connects with people of all ages. We ended up loving our experience and continued to attend church services every Sunday after. Months later, I was invited to the church’s “Men’s Connect” group during a weekday. I was a nervous wreck about going, but felt like I needed to challenge myself once again. It was about going into a situation without having any judgment of my own. If I expected that of them, they should expect that of me. Following the group, Pastor Chris thanked me for coming, and gave me his contact details as I told him I had questions. That night, I sent him an email sharing my intent on wanting to join a church that loves and accepts all of God’s creation.

The next day, Pastor Chris wrote back to me one of the most moving emails of my entire life. I sobbed reading it out loud to my husband. He was spot on with what I had been praying and searching for. I choose to keep Pastor Chris’s email private, but what I will say is that he expressed the church’s goal in keeping their eyes on Jesus, and that they believe God loves us all because he made us. And, as followers of Jesus, we need to follow the way he loves. Receiving his email was such a gift that I will always cherish. It is one of the reasons why I love going to church every Sunday.

I encourage all of you to focus on being a light to others in the months ahead. A new season is upon us that will bring opportunities for grace and human connection. Whether you go to church or not does not even matter. What your own relationship is like with God (or what you consider to be a higher power) and how you treat people is what is important. Just remember that we all have experienced pain at some point in our lives. Try to be patient with people that are going through or have dealt with trauma. God invites us to help people heal. When the healing process begins, new friends can be made, hearts can be mended, and forgiveness can be shared.